Fight back!

Why aren’t journalists standing up for each other?

Yes, they do verbally and in print, but you don’t see it on the scene of attacks. In person, they’re a bunch of pussies.

I admit to being the pussiest of them all sitting comfortably here in front of my computer. I’m even eating a muffin while writing this. But I’m never on the scene (or, usually, on any scene) when reporters are attacked so I can comfortably ask other people to fight back.

I’m not talking about pulling out guns or punching ICE agents. I advise running and hiding in those situations.

What I am talking about are press sessions with Donald Trump. If he hears a question he doesn’t like or doesn’t want to answer, he calls a reporter stupid or piggy or evil and even threatens their employer.

And, no matter how reasonable the question was, everyone else in the room shuts up about the topic.

WTF!

Should veteran Washington reporters be so easily cowed into not asking questions? Why aren’t they objecting as a group when one of their own is abused?

For that matter, why isn’t the insulted person pushing back?

Yes, I know reporters want to maintain their access, but what’s the point of access if you’re not getting anything worthwhile or non-fictional?

At the very least, those reporters should be fighting back. There are tried and true schoolyard tactics.

I’d lead with calling Trump fat. Yes, I know we shouldn’t be body-shaming, but, come on, it’s Trump.

But I know I’m being childish. Trump may be childish but us journalists are adults. Aren’t we?

There are three legitimate strategies that the mature members of the White House press corps should utilize to show solidarity with their colleagues.

The first is what I call The Spartacus Maneuver.

A reporter asks a perfectly reasonable question that the president doesn’t want to answer so he calls her an ignorant slut. Then another reporter jumps up and asks the same question. There is another insult and another reporter asks the same question. And another and another …

Eventually, either the press conference will be over, the president will forget what he’s been saying and answer the question by blaming joe Biden, or he falls asleep. Each scenario is equally likely.

The second strategy is one I’ve advocated for some time: “I know you are, but what am I?”

The president will then say “No, you are.” And then all the other reporters will insist that he is …

It’s the kind of dialogue we all deserve.

Finally, the press corps can just walk out when one of their own is insulted.

It’s not as if they’ll be missing anything important.

Give them what they expect

It’s time to stop protesting our innocence.

President Trump and the MAGA crowd have been Shakespearean in their insistence that elections are rigged and that huge numbers of undocumented immigrants have been voting. Denying this just doesn’t work — the Democrats doth protest too much!

So since truth doesn’t seem to affect these people, we might as well give them what they want: a rigged election.

There are lots of angry immigrants out there — ICE can’t have caught them all. We need to get them all to vote. We also need to sign up the best computer hackers we can find to rig voting machines.

If they believe this is happening, it might as well happen. MAGA deserves the satisfaction of manifesting their reality.

We can get back to normal and unhack the machines once we get rid of those guys.

You, as an individual voter, can help too by creating false identities and voting as often as possible. Pets and dead relatives need their votes counted too.

Spread the word, fellow conspirators.