Faux News: We report; you decipher

What if, once in our basement dungeons, we asked ICE agents questions far beyond those permitted by the Geneve Conventions — not just names, ranks and serial numbers — but addresses, family members, Social Security numbers, political affiliations, phone numbers, internet sites visited, any and all emails they ever sent or received? What if we confiscated and cloned their phones?

What if we did that to the guys and gals running ICE?

What if state and federal judges told us to knock it off, but we kept doing it anyway?

Who would be in trouble here?

And what could Joe Six-Pack do about it?

And what if masked ICE agents kidnapped Josephine Six-Pack and sent her to Uganda, without a hearing of any kind, or notice to her husband? What could Joe Six-Pack do about it?

And what if masked ICE agents break into my house and arrest me, for criticizing ICE, in private or public emails? Or my columns?

What if they dump me in El Salvador, or Uganda, and then name, shame and threaten federal judges who say, “Wait a minute. Bring him back.”

What then?

Do you think I’m imagining these things?

Can’t you read? Or do you only watch?

Don’t blame me for this. I had nothing to do with it.

But let’s try to see what’s coming — or could be.

What if we held ICE agents in our private prisons, and denied that we know where they are?

Would this be legal?

Well if it’s legal for ICE, why is it illegal for us?

I don’t see any carve out from the Fourth and Fifth amendments, just because a guy has a mask on and some initials on his back.

What if, in violation of the Geneva Conventions, we asked our captured ICE agents intrusive questions, such as: “Can you speak Spanish?”

Or, “Where did your grandma come from?”

And, “Why did she leave that country?”

And, “Where is she now?”

If we can’t defend our neighbors and citizens from our own government, then what, after 250 years, is this government worth today?

A pocketful of change, if you’ve got it.