Amber Heard testifies that she feared for her life during volatile marriage to Johnny Depp

FAIRFAX, Va. (CN) — Amber Heard testified Monday that divorcing actor Johnny Depp was a matter of life or death.

Depp wasn't getting clean and sober, she said. “I knew if I didn't [divorce him] I would likely not survive," the "Aquaman" actress said on the witness stand. "I was so scared that it was going to end really badly for me. I didn’t want to leave him. I loved him so much. I would have done anything. But I couldn’t do that one thing. I couldn’t stay.”

Heard is the defendant in a defamation case brought by Depp, her ex-husband. His lawsuit contends that she defamed him with a 2018 Washington Post op-ed. In the piece, Heard recounted that she had become a public figure representing domestic abuse two years earlier. That would have been when she was married to Depp — a union that ended after she took out a restraining order against him.

The op-ed was never about Depp, Heard testified. "It was about what happened to me after [the marriage]," she said. "The only one who made it about him, ironically, is Johnny."

But after publication of the op-ed, Depp lost his role in “Pirates of The Caribbean.” And three months later, he filed suit demanding $50 million in damages. Heard filed a counterclaim asking for $100 million.

Heard described how frightened she was while married to Depp. She referred to the actor's personality on drugs as “the monster.” And by the end of the marriage, she said, “The monster had been this thing that was now normal and not the exception. The violence was normal and not the exception. It was so hard, so hard,” she said, weeping. “But I knew I had to [leave].”

Heard recounted that the actor's security guards would always let Depp in, even after Heard asked them not to when he was mad, drunk or high. "I couldn't sleep. I'd wake up in a panic, I was losing hair, I was losing weight, I got really sick," Heard said. "I had shingles."

Their relationship was peaceful when Depp was sober. At one point, they were even discussing having children together. But when using drugs, Depp became violent and untethered from reality, according to Heard, who said Depp talked to people who weren’t in the room. She described a violent episode during their honeymoon, when Depp wrapped his shirt around her neck. On her 30th birthday, she said he hoisted a champagne bottle and hurled it at her. At another point, she said he grabbed her in the pubic bone area and held her down.

Questioned by her attorney, Elaine Bredehoft, Heard denied the accusation that she left poop in Depp’s bed. One of the couple’s teacup yorkies, who had ingested Depp’s marijuana during puppyhood, had bowel issues, she testified.

Testimony also focused on the alleged damages to Heard's career. Bredehoft recounted that one of Depp’s attorneys, Adam Waldman, was quoted in a publication as characterizing Heard's accusations of abuse — specifically, sexual abuse — as fake and a hoax. But those charges were made at a time when Heard said she hadn’t spoken out yet about sexual abuse within the marriage. "I had been protective of that. I didn't want to talk about that ever," she said. "And then Johnny, through his lawyer, not only uses that against me, but says it's a hoax."

In the wake of these allegations, Heard said that her part in an "Aquaman" sequel was diminished and she lost a job representing L'Oreal.

“It’s torture. It’s torturous,” she said, describing how it feels to have so many questions about her veracity. Speaking directly to Depp, she asked, “Why did you have to do that? I have a baby. I want to move on. I want Johnny to move on, too.”  

This was Heard’s third day on the witness stand. Direct testimony concluded mid-afternoon and cross-examination began immediately. One of Depp's lawyers, Camille Vasquez of Brown Rudnick, peppered the 36-year-old actress with questions focused on allegations of Depp's violence.

Heard contends that Depp, who wears chunky rings, hit her, Vasquez noted. In one incident after the Met Gala, Heard thought Depp had broken her nose. But Vasquez showed the jury a photo of Heard taken soon afterward, pointing out that there are no signs of injury.

“Your nose doesn’t appear to be injured in any of these pictures, does it, Ms. Heard?” Vasquez remarked.

Heard has maintained that she used makeup to camouflage her bruises

Throughout Heard's testimony, Depp, 58, focused intently on the desk where he sits with his attorneys, either taking notes or doodling. Vasquez pointed out that Depp promised not to let Heard see his eyes again after she took out the restraining order against him.

"Mr. Depp hasn't looked at you once during this trial, has he?" the attorney asked.

"Not that I've noticed," Heard responded. "No."

"You've looked at him, though, many times, haven't you?" Vasquez continued.

"Yes, I have," Heard confirmed.

"He promised you would never see his eyes again," Vasquez said. "He won’t look at you."

"He can't," Heard said.