Let’s just call him Adolf

Mark Twain said that most Americans are honest 363 days of the year: on every day but Tax Day and Election Day. Then, you’ve never seen such a country of liars.

This Greenland nonsense is simply insanity. Would our ignorant orange gasbag dare to appear on any street in Denmark or Greenland today (fat chance), he would surely receive the treatment that his insurrectionary militias are receiving on the streets of Minneapolis.

With good reason: He’s an alien there. And he really is trying to undermine and destroy those societies.

I checked my Bible, which assured me that “the days of our years are threescore and ten” (Psalm 90:10). If that were so, our pompous Nero would have been dead before he ever polluted the White House with his presence, and the world would be a better place.

There can no longer be doubt about it: Donald Trump is fomenting civil war and instigating violence on the streets. In doing so he is promoting racism in our own land, and hatred of the United States around the world.

Suppose in some near future the United States should need help — financial, political, scientific, educational, military — why should any country in the world today step forward and offer it? What reason would they have to do it? Why should they trust any solemn promise issued by this kleptomaniac White House, or our cowardly, anilingual Congress? Unless we promise to use this foreign aid to shuffle along a few thousand more bombs to slaughter Palestinian orphans in their makeshift tents this winter?

Faithful readers of this column may be excused for doubting me when I say that to prepare this missive I consulted my Bibles, but I did: I consulted two of them, the King James Version and Mark Twain. Mr. Twain is no longer with us, so I presume to presume that he would not take it amiss if I profane his name by placing it beside that of another confessed sinner, the author of the Sermon on the Mount.

Now, the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew: 5-7) is the most concise and beautiful expression of the Christian religion, and how to live it. It is so beautiful that when I sat next to a Zen monk as he listened to it, the holy man turned to me and said softly, “That man was enlightened.”

Pardon me for pontificating, but Mark Twain — the news editor in him — boiled the sermon down to two words: mercy and kindness. These, it seems to me, and it seemed to that Zen monk, are the primary virtues for any adherent of any religion. Throw in honesty and we’ve got a trifecta.

Tell me then: When has that pustulent, crapulous excrescence in what’s left of the White House demonstrated any of those virtues, at any time in his life, to anyone but a campaign contributor?

(This just in! Jesus accepted crusts of bread!)